Alesha's Story

My name is Alesha and I’m struggling with a fear of rejection.

Before I started the STEPS course I was feeling anxious and angry in my friendships and close relationships. I didn’t really know why: I was unhappy with the way I was feeling and acting but felt powerless to do anything about it. I knew something had to change as I was getting to a point where I couldn’t enjoy every day activities.

When I started STEPS I wasn’t really sure what to expect and was nervous about talking in front of a group. However, it really helped to narrow things down to a specific issue and I realised I was often acting out of a fear of rejection, and this was controlling my daily interactions.

I had often withdrawn from relationships and suppressed how I felt because I thought that if I shared with others they would reject me. I was believing a lot of lies about myself: that I was ugly, unlovable, and not worth being around. I used these lies as a sort of comfort blanket; they allowed me to avoid situations where I felt anxious. I felt angry at other people for rejecting me, but in truth I hadn’t given them a chance to even get to know me.

Through doing the STEPS exercises, and listening to others in the group, I learnt to be kinder to myself. I was daring to imagine what life would be like without these thoughts holding me back. I began to feel less angry and more hopeful. Situations that would have previously made me anxious began to feel more comfortable.

I now don’t worry so much about what others think of me. I now know that it’s possible to feel differently and to believe in God’s truths, rather than my own lies. He accepts me exactly as I am. It’s ok to not have everything sorted out just yet! This has all changed how I view my relationships and I now have kinder and more realistic expectations for others and myself.

Christ Church London